My Life on the Chubby List: Fat Girl Survival Tips

Let us begin this potentially offensive blog post with the urban dictionary definition of a "chubster".


An overweight although confident, well-dressed and funny man or woman. They are seen as cool and desirable due to a magnetic personality that compensates for their perceived lack of physical attractiveness.

This was number four on the list but I chose it because it contained the least obvious grammatical and spelling errors. 

I chose this word to use in this blog because I feel it does describe me pretty well. I have always been a big girl but I have always been confident and while yes some people have of course expressed distaste about my size I don't feel I ever really missed out on anything due to it. And I sure as shit didn't miss out on any wonderful romantic experiences because I'm a fatty mcfatfat because if someone is going to pass up getting to know me for the simple fact that my weight is off putting to them then clearly it wouldn't have worked out anyhow. The only thing that is a real problem with my weight is that it is now so out of control that is affecting my health, bottom line.

That being said... again... uh hmm.. Let's move on! If you are or have ever been a chubster or even a shy lil' fatty you'll most likely be familiar with some of these but below is a list of some of the coping mechanisms and tricks I use to survive being a fat girl.

Fat Girl Survival Tips:

1. Fucking admit it! You don't have to go shouting "I'm a proud fatty!" from the roof tops but please bitches, admit at least to yourself that you're chubby. If you can't even do that you have bigger problems than your pant size; living in denial is more unhealthy than being overweight.

2. Wearing clothes that fit. I'm not talking about what Seventeen or InStyle mag says you should wear for your body type, eff dressing for your "body type" but it is important to wear clothing that is the correct size. Wear what makes you feel sexy, but don't wear something that is going to get a picture of you put on peopleofwalmart.com! We have all seen it, the fat girl in the halter top with the back titties or little miss tub tubs with a muffin top so huge it could feed a third world country bulging out of the top of her three sizes too small denim jeans. Dress for your size ladies, trust me it is much more becoming.

3. Don't give people any ammo. Don't let the fact that you are overweight consume you. If you're constantly talking about how much you have gained or better yet making excuses for it, that is all people will focus on when they talk to you. If you do bring it up be prepared for the conversation. Don't be offended if people then ask you questions about personal habits or make suggestions on how to lose some of the clearly unwanted lbs.

4. Be confident! Easier said then done sometimes but like I just said, weight does not define you! To most intelligent adults a great personality is more important than weight. A sense of humor and good conversation skills will probably get you more friends then being skinny alone, no one wants to be around debbie downer. 

5. Invest in a good body slimmer. These are under garments that hold you in and smooth out fat rolls. I know I've been talking all about being proud and it's the inside that counts yadda yadda... but the truth is there are things that can be done to boost confidence, like looking good in a outfit. I wear slimming shorts almost everyday for two main reasons; it smoothes out my tummy and more importantly if I am wearing a skirt it keeps my thighs from rubbing together! I was personally not blessed with thighs that don't touch and if you weren't either you know what I am talking about! There are tons of different styles of these things out there. (I will post some links of the bottom of this post.) There are some things to consider when purchasing these though. Getting the right size is really important! If you get a full body one the best way to put it on is by stepping into it, make sure you pee first though cause getting out of it is harder. If you go for the two piece style get a top that is long enough to overlap the bottoms otherwise the first time you lean over a little too far you're probably going to end up looking a little something like this: you know what I'm talking about!
I personally just wear the shorts and it works out great for me!


6. Also invest is a good bra. When I was first told that I was a 40D and needed the "big girl sizes" (yes that is actually what the sales lady said to me) I was 18 years old and I was devastated. I wanted to get the cute bras with the thin straps and fun prints; but no I needed the ugly "mom bras"! Well I tell you what, the first time I put on a bra that really fit I couldn't have cared less if the thing looked like freddy krueger's face! It was way more comfortable and flattering under my clothes. When it comes to bras good support is hard to find.


7. Tankinis and swim suit covers. 'nuff said! 


8. This is the most important one! So now we have admitted it, I'm a chubster. Now we own it; I'm a damn fine, intelligent, hilarious chubster!  Now surround yourself with people who love and support you. Don't date people who are trying to change you if you don't want to change. Do date someone who loves you for you but will support and help you if you decide to lose weight. DO NOT EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO NOT DESERVE BETTER. Ladies and gentlemen do not ever think that just because you are fat it means you cannot or do not deserve to be with a good person, everyone deserves to be treated right! And beyond just dating don't hang out with "friends" that make you feel bad about yourself either. Tell 'em off and ditch 'em; rude bitches are better left to pick each others' bones!


Tragic Personal Story Time: Rant Alert!
I use to be the fat girl in the group and my so called friends used me as the butt of every joke. They kept me around as their personal sounding board and punching bag. When it was one on one we were buds but when they were all together I was once again the odd one out. They were "popular" and the only girls I knew at my new school. One of the girls was bigger than me but that didn't seem to matter and another was the same size but unlike myself at that point she had figured out how to carry herself well. (I was still in the sit on the edge of the seat so your thighs don't spread out over the chair, suck it in 'til you can't breathe, wear a huge jacket ever chance you get phase; all to hide one dirty little secret: I'm not skinny!) For nearly an entire school year these girls picked on me and called me names to my face and behind my back. They made fun of me for dancing at school dances saying "If you have meat you shouldn't dance like that." They even teased me about other kids I talked to, like every time I mingled with kids they considered to be uncool they would threaten to stop talking to me if that was who I was going to socialize with. Eventually they stopped hanging around me all together and I gladly began hanging out with me "uncool" friends full time. At the time I think I was too young to really understand what was going on and how it was really affecting me but looking back now I understand better just strange the whole thing was. I feel being pushed out of that group was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never really fit in with those girls, weight aside I never really connected with them. After that year I learned a lot about myself and just started doing pretty much anything I wanted. It was like being ridiculed somehow gave me the freedom to just say fuck it, I'm clearly gonna get made fun of anyway may as well give 'em the total package. By the time I entered jr. high I was a whole new me. I was experimenting with new things, meeting new interesting people. The next three years would be super rough don't get me wrong; it was the beginning of a whole new set of demons but I was really coming into my own. On some small level I was finally  comfortable. I felt more comfy in my own skin walking the halls of an Oklahoma jr. high school in giant, black, baggy, pants with neon bondage straps and a tattered concert tee rocking blue hair and platform boots with my best friend at my side then I ever did prancing around in denim shorts and a pony tail surrounded by my "popular friends"! Now, I'm not saying all popular people are like that or that being in the preppy crowd is bad or lame or whatever. If that is what I was saying, well I wouldn't be much better than the girls that bullied me all those years ago. I'm just saying I was trying to fit myself into some kind of mold and it wasn't working for me. What I am saying is that no matter what size you are you have to be okay with who you are or life is going to far more difficult for you than it's meant to be. 


Okay, so we went way off the topic of just weight loss with this one but whatevs. It's all part of what got me to where I am now. I hope someone finds these insane ramblings to be helpful. Please tell me what you guys think and if it strikes you please share my blog! I would love to reach as many people as possible! Thanks for taking the time to read! 


Shapewear links:
http://www.spanx.com/home/index.jsp?camp=kw=s3z4kqrpW%7Cpcrid%7C11953337996%7Cspanx


http://www.dressbarn.com/accessories/shapewear-legwear
(I own the high waisted shaper short plus in black. Fun fact about that I have been wearing it in a 2x and recently had to purchase it in a 1x because mine is getting too big!)


http://www.maidenform.com/shapewear
(great bras too!)


http://www.soma.com/store/browse/shelf.jsp?cat=Shape+Shop+Smoothing+Light+Control&subCatId=cat4629279&catId=cat40091&CMP=KNC-GOOG_NB


http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/XGN.aspx?DeptID=70659&CatID=71428&cm_mmc=Google-_-G_Lingerie-_-G_Lingerie_Shapewear-_-shapewear


Coming soon: My Life on the Chubby List: The fat skinny bitch, everyone's a critic!

My Life on the Chubby List: The Nutrition Plan

Ten weeks ago I started something new in my life and it was difficult but not in the ways I thought it would be. Making better choices about food and getting more exercise are not the main adjustments; merely accepting that I am not healthy and that I have to lose weight are the things that are impacting me the most. But ever since I committed to making this change the weight has continuously come off. 


What I Am Doing Differently:
-Gave up soda, completely, not even diet or sugar free energy drinks.
-Started eating whole grain. If I eat bread it is whole grain and if I can find it, gluten free.
-Cutting out as much sugar as possible. This is difficult because there is sugar in pretty much everything. 
-Paying attention to not just the nutritional facts but the ingredient list as well. You will be amazed at what is in some of the foods you thought were healthy. Like yogurt, there is so much sugar in flavored yogurt. Instead, I buy plain yogurt and add my own fresh fruit and gluten free granola. 
-Eating tons of fruits and veggies. This seems like a no brainer but seriously eat your damn veggies people. That shit's good for you!
-Cooking more interesting foods. I get bored with food easily when I feel like I have to limit myself so I have started experimenting with more recipes, so far most things have been successful. 
-Eating more often. And oh man, this is by far the most difficult adjustment I have had to make. You would think this would be so easy right? Eating more instead of less, well it isn't. A lot of what is causing problems with my insulin levels and weight gain is the fact that I usually only eat once or twice a day. I have somehow managed  to make myself overweight and malnourished at the same time.
Before, I would often not eat at all before work, I almost never ate at work, (I still do not eat at work. I should but I am struggling most with this.) and then I would binge when I got home. I thought of it as a reward. I would say to myself, "Oh I worked so hard today and I haven't eaten anything! I can eat all this." or worse "I didn't eat all day and I'm having a rough day or I'm too tired to cook. I deserve to eat whatever I want." I would end up either eating fast food or just eating anything and everything I wanted at home. I would often snack while I cooked myself dinner, like I would be cooking an entire meal but as I was doing so I would be munching on pickles or crackers. Eating before you eat... not a great habit. 
Now, I have managed to usually work in two meals and one snack a day. My doctor is concerned that this is not often enough and by going so many hours without food I am allowing my blood sugar to get low multiple times a day. So, this is still a work in progress. And when I say snack I mean snack, like a cheese stick or an apple; not a cheese stick and an apple and some crackers and... you get the idea.
-Keeping a food journal. My doctor has also asked me to write down everything I eat. This is not only just to see what I eat so we can evaluate what foods work for me but also to hold me accountable. Sure I could lie but that really isn't going to help anyone. Furthermore, since I have not yet been able to eat at the times I have been asked to my doctor has requested I now write down the times at which I eat what. She has also asked that I share my food journal with a friend in between my appts with her to get another opinion on what I am eating. 
-Thinking of this project as a lifestyle change not a "diet". In this blog when I use the word "diet" I am referring to what I eat not how I am losing weight. If I treat this like a fad diet I will inevitably gain the weight back. This is me forming new and better habits to lose weight and keep it off. 
-Exercising. This is the second hardest part for me, making time to work out. I am not a gym kind of person. I don't like gyms at all. If I am going to walk a mile I'm going to walk somewhere not in place on a treadmill in a room with other sweaty people. If I am on something with pedals I am going to ride it somewhere not pedal in place on a stationary bike. I have also incorporated exercise into my daily routine like parking further away at stores so I have to walk more, taking more trips up and down the stairs in front of my apartment, using a resistance band to work out my arms while watching way too many episodes of Rescue Me, and today at work my manager and I did squats and lunges while we folded towels. The little things do add up. 


Now that the first 20lbs are off I know I will need to work harder to keep pulling the weight. I need to focus on building my endurance because when I hit 40lbs lost I would like to look into finding an adult volleyball or softball team to play on. I feel being active in this fashion vs. going to the gym will be easier for me to stay on track. Please share with me any suggestions you have or things you have done that have helped you shed lbs. Thanks for reading! 


Coming up next: 
My Life on the Chubby List: Fat Girl Survival Tips!

My Life on the Chubby List: The Beginning.

Don't be an asshole warning: In this blog I am going to be brutally honest. In this post alone I will admit to how I felt about family pushing me to lose weight and how much I weighed at the beginning of this journey. These are things that are extremely hard for me to talk about. However, I feel that being completely open and honest not only with myself but others as well will help me to continue moving forward. Please, keep all criticisms constructive and all comments positive and applicable. Basically, don't be an asshole! If you don't want to read about some fat bitch blammering on about how she is trying to lose weight then just click away now! 


Now that that's over...
Welcome to my weight loss blog! However, just calling what I am doing "weight loss" is a bit of an understatement. Yes, I am changing my life one pound at a time but honestly this isn't a last ditch effort to finally fulfill my life long goal of looking good in a horizontal striped sweater dress; this life style change that I embarking on is about not eating my way to diabetes. It's about sucking it up instead of sucking it in! So let's get down to it people!


The Skinny On Why I'm Not:
  My whole life I have struggled with my weight.  I was a chubby kid despite playing all kinds of sports and being tall for my age.  I always felt awkward around other children my age because I was so much larger than them, taller and heavier; and since I am of the female persuasion this was especially uncomfortable. I was a tomboy growing up, sure, but I still didn't like almost always being the biggest kid in every class from first grade all the way up through jr. high school. Obviously I was aware of my weight issues so why didn't I do something about it? Why didn't I nip this whole fat kid thing in the bud long before now? Well to be honest I'm not real sure. My Mother has always had weight issues as well and from early childhood on both my parents and grandfather were constantly on me about my eating and fitness habits. I know they were just trying to help. It isn't easy being a fat girl and they knew it; but I was defiant and to be honest at times I think I gained weight just to spite everyone who was always telling me I should lose more. It was my way of taking back control; my way of not fitting into some mold I felt everyone was forcing me into. As I got older being overweight didn't bothered me the way it seemed to bother everyone else. I felt fine, at that point I was still healthy, I had plenty of friends; I did not feel like my weight was impeding any part of my life so why change it?
In my early teens I did drop a bit of weight and looking back on high school I was plus size, yes, but I was under 200lbs and I was fine with that. But in college all that changed. 


The Truth and Why It Took So Long To Seek It:
  In college my weight blew up out of control.  Many things changed in my life those two years and my personal eating habits were one of them. For the first time in my life I was on my own, 1,300 miles from anyone who had any authority over me. No one to tell me I really shouldn't be eating that, no one to talk me out of purchasing and indulging in confectionary carnage whenever I wanted, no one telling me I should really be more active. I didn't own a scale and I didn't believe in limiting myself. I really wasn't paying attention to just how much I was gaining. Turning 21 didn't help anything either. Cheap beer, fast food, late nights, spending 90% of my life at school, and 0% exercising turned me into the ultimate chubster! I had loads of friends, I made people laugh, I was kicking ass in all my classes, who cared that I have probably gained nearly 80lbs by graduation?! Well, certainly not me! Even though the warning signs were there I was in complete denial. I preached fat acceptance and the heavy people could be healthy people too. Even though at that point I had already been living with lymphedema for close to three years and my feet and knees were pretty much always in pain. My parents hadn't really talked to me too much about my weight while I was in college, I guess they figured I was an adult and let me make my own choices. My Grandfather on the other hand on two occasions had offered me money to lose weight; I was outraged and told him I had more important things to worry about than my pant size. 
 Now, almost two years post college I have finally reached a point that even I have to stop and take a real look at what is going on with my body. In Dec of 2011 I began suffering from chronic back pain and at times could hardly walk or get out of bed. I was constantly fatigued but had a hard time sleeping, walking up the stairs to my apt was sometimes a challenge, and I began having dizzy spells accompanied by fits of nausea. I Feb of 2012 I finally went to the doctor. She did some blood work and gave me some news that was rather difficult to digest. She diagnosed me with Metabolic Syndrome which after some research seems like a nice way of saying you unofficially have type two diabetes. She also told me that all the weight I carried in my mid section was putting so much stress on my back that it was causing the severe pain. Bottom line: I had to lose weight. She talked to me about a nutrition plan and told me I had a long journey of baby steps ahead. I didn't get this heavy overnight so don't expect to wake up skinny tomorrow, she said. I was devastated! My whole adult life I had preached self acceptance. I spent all this time accepting my body the way it was. I was finally okay with never being thin. I had come to terms with having to shop at certain types of stores and wearing a body slimmer had become completely routine. I had fully embraced the fat bitch lifestyle! And now my body was betraying me. I felt like the biggest hypocritical joke ever. I felt like I had just proved that every person who had ever judged me or bullied me was correct when they said I should get off my fat ass and get skinny. I really didn't know how to take the information or what to do with it. How do you take your whole thought process, your whole way of seeing and loving yourself and just change it? 


Health Acceptance: 
  One week after hearing the news I was back at the doctor's office to discuss weight loss options and an rx for the meds I now needed to regulate my insulin levels. I had somewhat come to terms with things. I was still upset but I had decided that if I really did love myself I would swallow my pride and do what it took to get healthy again despite having to face some difficult facts. 
Fact #1: I did this to myself.
Fact #2: I was 5' 10" and I weighed 299lbs.
Fact #3: If I do not change the way I eat, exercise, and live my life I will not stop gaining weight. This is not something that will go away on it's own.
Fact #4: Diabetes was not the most serious health issue I would face if I continued to gain weight. 
I also had realized that just because I needed to lose weight did not mean that I had to get "skinny". My belief that I could be chubby and healthy was still true. But that brings me to fact 5.
Fact #5: I wasn't chubby anymore; I am obese.
There I said it... and I finally admit how much I weighed. A bit of information that until I post this only one other person on the planet actually knows. 


Progress Report:
It has been ten weeks since I started all this hooplah and I have lost exactly 20lbs putting me at 279lbs! My goal is to lose 100lbs by Jan 2013. I want to lose the weight slowly and build up my endurance so I can start playing sports again. This is going to be an interesting journey. 


Thank you for taking the time to read this obnoxiously long post. My future posts will be shorter... maybe. (: I hope this inspires others to get healthy and I hope to connect with others that are struggling the same way I am. I am making this blog to help hold me accountable and stay motivated to continue on the right path. I have also included some pictures of my progress so far. 




The first 4 pics were taken Jan. 18, 2012. About a month before I began my weight loss. My boyfriend and I were back in Oklahoma where we are from visiting family. These pics were taken by his Mother at her house during a family reunion. This is what I looked like the first time I met most of his family. I was shocked at how I looked. This is me at 299lbs. My biggest moment.

 These pictures were taken on April 24, 2012. Ten weeks into my journey. I have currently lost 20lbs. This is me at 279lbs. I think all 20lbs came out of my face! I am currently still wearing my size 18-20 clothes but they are starting to fit much better. 20 more lbs and I think I will be back into a 14-16.

Thanks for reading! Please share your stories with me!