Finding inspiration can change everything!
I am feeling really emotional tonight, so I just need to blog it out. Weight loss surgery is something I have been thinking about for a while now and it feels so good to finally have that conversation with my doctor and my family. It also feels so good to know that so many of my friends are reading this and following my journey.
I have "gotten inspired" so many times and for some reason it never sticks. I always start out strong but never really commit and follow through. In doing my research about WLS I found someone that has had the same problem her whole life. She has made over 500 videos talking about her personal journey and I find myself watching her story and just balling my eyes out because I know exactly how she feels! Her name is bandedwendy and she has inspired me to never give up!
It is funny how we find our inspiration and how certain things can just light a fire inside us. I never liked running but now, watching others' success, that is all I want to do. I just want to get up and run until I can't run anymore. For two nights now Chad and I have gone to the gym, last night to run, tonight to strength train. I know two nights isn't a lot but I have to tell you it is a milestone for me. Just actually going is huge for me, because it means that I started something and I actually did it. I am tired of being fat and lazy. I want to get up and do amazing things. I want to be able to make demands of my body and have it perform. I am tired of walking up my stairs everyday and being out of breath. I am tired of being the fat girl in all the pictures. I am tired of cropping my fat gut out of all my pictures. I am tired of watching my life happen from the sidelines. I am tired of making excuses. I am tired of saying I can't, I won't, I don't. Today I say I CAN! I WILL! I DO!
I am still in the beginning stages of my weight loss surgery. I am making appts to go to seminars and choose a doctor, then I will have to prepare materials to ask my insurance to cover the surgery, then do whatever pre-op preparation is needed, then finally have surgery. So why start running now? Why not wait til surgery, until I have that last tool to help me? Because I can't! I can't wait anymore! The time is now! I have been waiting on myself my whole life! I have been waiting to be ready! AND I AM SO READY! We all have that moment when it is different; when you just know that enough is enough and you just have to go for it. My whole life I have said "oh I'll do that after I do this" or "I'll start that diet after the holidays" or "I'm too busy. I have more important things to deal with." If you are making excuses I have one question for you: How is that working out for you?
Some of us are still waiting for our moment and that is fine, but when it hits don't ignore it. Stop wasting your life on the couch. Go out and do amazing things! I am tired of holding me back! This is it! I CAN! I WILL! I DO! WHERE ARE YOU?
Friday, February 8, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Considering weight loss surgery.
Over the past year I have been researching weight loss surgery, primarily the lap band. I am now taking steps to go to seminars and meet with doctors. I know that surgery is a huge decision and is not something I would even consider if I were not desperate to get control of my weight. I know some of my friends have had this procedure done and I would like to reach out to them and ask their advice. My doctor has suggested the gastric sleeve over the lap band and I am not comfortable with this. It seems like a very extreme surgery. With the lap band a tool is placed around your stomach to help you feel satisfied with smaller amounts of food where as with the sleeve a portion of the stomach is actually removed. I have much research to do but as of right now the band is what I am considering. I know that some of you will object to surgery or feel it is unnecessary. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I am putting this out there to reach out to my friends for advice, so please, be tactful in your comments. All rude and/or idiotic comments will be deleted.
Whatever I decided to do I am kick starting my weight loss now by starting the couch to 5k program! I would love for my friends and family to join me! Some info on this program can be found here:
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
I have also made a new youtube channel to document my journey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mvvw-dnJdew
Please feel free to comment here or on my videos.
As I said before I have not made any major decisions yet but this is something I am seriously considering. I would love the advice and support of my friends, family, and any one else that has experience with these procedures.
Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you all soon!
Over the past year I have been researching weight loss surgery, primarily the lap band. I am now taking steps to go to seminars and meet with doctors. I know that surgery is a huge decision and is not something I would even consider if I were not desperate to get control of my weight. I know some of my friends have had this procedure done and I would like to reach out to them and ask their advice. My doctor has suggested the gastric sleeve over the lap band and I am not comfortable with this. It seems like a very extreme surgery. With the lap band a tool is placed around your stomach to help you feel satisfied with smaller amounts of food where as with the sleeve a portion of the stomach is actually removed. I have much research to do but as of right now the band is what I am considering. I know that some of you will object to surgery or feel it is unnecessary. Everyone is entitled to their opinion but I am putting this out there to reach out to my friends for advice, so please, be tactful in your comments. All rude and/or idiotic comments will be deleted.
Whatever I decided to do I am kick starting my weight loss now by starting the couch to 5k program! I would love for my friends and family to join me! Some info on this program can be found here:
http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml
I have also made a new youtube channel to document my journey.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mvvw-dnJdew
Please feel free to comment here or on my videos.
As I said before I have not made any major decisions yet but this is something I am seriously considering. I would love the advice and support of my friends, family, and any one else that has experience with these procedures.
Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you all soon!
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Considering Weight Loss Surgery
So sorry that it has been sooo long since I posted!!
I have hit rock bottom here. I know this sounds like excuses and that is because they are but it doesn't make them any less true. I don't know what I am doing. I do not have an immediate support system and I do have zero will power. I have gained seven pounds back from what I lost and then pulled five of them back off and I should be excited. I'm not. I feel so far gone. I feel like even if I do pull more weight it will always be this teeter totter bs. Lose some, gain some, lose some, gain some.... on and on and on.
After speaking with a friend who also struggles with weight issues I am seriously thinking about o band surgery. I have read many blogs, followed other people's weight loss journeys, and weighed the pros and the cons. I feel that it just might be my best option of losing the weight and keeping it off. I am 23 and weigh the upwards of 300 lbs. If I don't get this under control I am going to die or have so many health problems and pain by the time I am in my 50's that I will wish I were dead. Simply put, I cannot afford the keep putting on weight the way I have been all my life. I need help! I need someone to help me stop hurting myself. How pathetic is it that my biggest problem is something I can control and simply don't? And why not? Because I really feel like I don't know how or just can't stop eating myself to death. Am I an addict or do I feel like I don't deserve to be healthy because I am doing this to myself? I think I am scared to be thin or even just fit. I am scared I can't do it. I am scared of what I will look like, extra skin, sagging everything, wrinkles in the face, gross sagging neck, flat, floppy boobs. I am scared I will be less than thirty and have the body of a saggy old woman. I am so damn vain that I am scared I will be uglier healthy than I am fat and dieing. There, I said it.
Where do I go from here? I feel like it would help a lot to have a meal plan. A strict meal plan. I need a nutritionist to tell me what to eat and when. I need someone to hold me accountable. I need someone who will do this with me. I know that is pathetic, but I feel that this is what it is going to take. I think it is time to make another appt with my doctor and take the proper steps to get back on track. I need to get back on my meds and start doing healthier things. I need healthy people in my life or at least people that want to get healthy too. I feel that if I don't do these things now, I probably never will. I am scared that I am slowly killing myself.
I have hit rock bottom here. I know this sounds like excuses and that is because they are but it doesn't make them any less true. I don't know what I am doing. I do not have an immediate support system and I do have zero will power. I have gained seven pounds back from what I lost and then pulled five of them back off and I should be excited. I'm not. I feel so far gone. I feel like even if I do pull more weight it will always be this teeter totter bs. Lose some, gain some, lose some, gain some.... on and on and on.
After speaking with a friend who also struggles with weight issues I am seriously thinking about o band surgery. I have read many blogs, followed other people's weight loss journeys, and weighed the pros and the cons. I feel that it just might be my best option of losing the weight and keeping it off. I am 23 and weigh the upwards of 300 lbs. If I don't get this under control I am going to die or have so many health problems and pain by the time I am in my 50's that I will wish I were dead. Simply put, I cannot afford the keep putting on weight the way I have been all my life. I need help! I need someone to help me stop hurting myself. How pathetic is it that my biggest problem is something I can control and simply don't? And why not? Because I really feel like I don't know how or just can't stop eating myself to death. Am I an addict or do I feel like I don't deserve to be healthy because I am doing this to myself? I think I am scared to be thin or even just fit. I am scared I can't do it. I am scared of what I will look like, extra skin, sagging everything, wrinkles in the face, gross sagging neck, flat, floppy boobs. I am scared I will be less than thirty and have the body of a saggy old woman. I am so damn vain that I am scared I will be uglier healthy than I am fat and dieing. There, I said it.
Where do I go from here? I feel like it would help a lot to have a meal plan. A strict meal plan. I need a nutritionist to tell me what to eat and when. I need someone to hold me accountable. I need someone who will do this with me. I know that is pathetic, but I feel that this is what it is going to take. I think it is time to make another appt with my doctor and take the proper steps to get back on track. I need to get back on my meds and start doing healthier things. I need healthy people in my life or at least people that want to get healthy too. I feel that if I don't do these things now, I probably never will. I am scared that I am slowly killing myself.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
My Life on the Chubby List: Finally Seeing Results
Sorry I have been so absent as of late but life has been rather busy! Tonight I would like to talk about how I am finally seeing results! In my last post I spoke of major frustration and while, yes, I am still irritated that none of my clothes are actually falling off me yet; I am happy to admit some small yet slightly embarrassing triumphs!
NOTE: This is another one of those posts where I will admit to and discuss some rather difficult and potentially upsetting topics. The "Don't be an asshole disclaimer" listed in my first post strongly applies. I have received some personal e-mails from people expressing how much they like and relate to my blog so I find it extremely pertinent to discuss such things. Don't ruin the fun for everyone by being a troll. I want this to be a safe haven for people who find this blog relevant. Thank you in advance for your cooperation and understanding.
As a plus size individual there are some things I take into consideration that other's have probably never thought let alone worried about. Such as:
-Will I fit in that chair?
To be honest I have never actually not fit into a seat before. Nor have I ever broken a chair because I was too heavy for it, but these are things I have worried about. Mostly at movie theaters where the arms don't go up and on airplanes, especially on airplanes.
-Eating in public.
This use to be, and sometimes still is, one of my biggest fears. In middle school I rarely ate at lunch amongst my peers. I often did not want to eat inside restaurants or at my friend's houses. I felt as if everyone would be looking at me thinking "Look at that fat girl eat, no wonder she is so fat!" Food was the enemy and from age 13-17 I ate almost always in solitude. Even at home I would take meals in my room if my family would let me. I would pick at my food if I did eat in the presence of others and then when I was alone I would binge. Once I started driving this got even worse. I would go to the store or a fast food place get food, eat it in my car, destroy the evidence, and pretend like it never happened. I hated the idea of someone seeing me stuffing my face so much that even when I was hiding in my car eating if someone pulled up next to me and parked I would stop eating and drive somewhere else to finish my depressing indulgence. I would hide food in my room, my car, my locker at school, and eat it when no one was looking. I felt ashamed every time I did it. I would promise myself I would stop, but I would always find an excuse to do it again. I would convince myself that it was fine because I hadn't eaten all day or because I didn't know when I would be alone long enough to eat again. I would sometimes eat entire boxes of snacks in one sitting simply because I was terrified of being caught stashing junk food. I did not understand why I was so addicted to this behavior. I hated myself for it and would often wish I were addicted to something else; something that at least wouldn't make me fat. Sometimes I seriously wished that I were anorexic or a druggie instead of being a fatty addicted to food. I constantly asked myself why I continued to partake in this behavior when I knew it was just going to make me feel worse. And honestly I still don't know why. I sometimes find myself slipping back into my old ways when I do not feel comfortable. In college there were days when I just could not bring myself to eat in front of class mates, and now I struggle daily when it comes to eating at work in front of 20+ other women who are almost all thinner than I am.
-Can I even shop in this store?
Every time I walk by a store I wonder if I should even bother going in. I see so many beautiful outfits that I know will not fit me. I usually do not even bother falling in love with them because I know they aren't even made in my size. I feel embarrassed going into stores that seem to only carry size 10 and below. I feel like every thin shopper in there will see me picking through racks of clothes and think, "Yeah right, you're not fitting into that." I feel silly holding a garment up to my body trying to see if I can even stretch it enough to equal my body's width. Why do I even bother?
-Getting out of a booth, a car, and up off a couch.
Everyone has seen this, a big girl scooting her way out of a long booth or trying to hoist her fat ass up out of a bucket seat or back seat of a two door car, usually fat ass first, or shove yourself up off an overstuffed couch that seems to have formed to every back fat roll. This shit is embarrassing and there seems to be no graceful way of doing it. I have sat down in a booth at restaurants before and had to move the table away because it was squishing my stomach or had to ride up front in a two door car because I couldn't get into the backseat without making a scene of horrible struggle. And when I did fit into the back I would spend the whole ride trying to figure out the best way to make a somewhat non embarrassing exit.
-Wearing bigger clothes than my boyfriend.
I have always worn a larger clothing size than whoever I was dating. That cute cliche of walking around in your guy's dress shirt or hoody and it fitting you like a kid playing dress up in grown up clothes, well, that has never happened to me. And at times it makes me feel like an ogre; like I can't be girly or cute because I am this giant blob of unlady like proportions.
I am sure the list goes on but you get the idea...
Now for my small but measurable triumphs!
-Like I said, I have never broken a chair or not fit into one but recently I have noticed that I fit better into certain types of chairs. My thighs and hips do not scrape the edges of armed chairs so much. Seems silly, but it's comforting to me.
-Eating in public is something I think I will always struggle with but I need to get more comfortable with the idea at work. Eating more often is essential to my weight loss because it boosts my metabolism. I need to start taking a lunch break at work and actually eating something. I finally did this for the first time last Sunday. Let's see if I can make it a habit.
-I am still shopping in stores that offer extended sizes but now that I have lost a total of 31lbs I can squeeze into some xl and size 16 clothes. I am still, however, waiting to celebrate going down an actually dress size for when I literally cannot fit into my size 18 clothes.
-Today Chad and I went to a restaurant and sat in a long booth. I usually have a hard time getting out of this kind of seating arrangement and have to awkwardly scoot to the end of the booth, stick one leg out and then step sideways out of the booth to avoid hitting my stomach on the table. Today when exiting the booth I was able to stand up, turn, and exit the booth width wise without incident. And this was at a restaurant we have been to many times so I have plenty of moments to compare with. Once again, this may seem silly to some people but it was another little way I could really tell that my body is indeed changing.
-Now none of Chad's clothes just absolutely swallow me but I can at least fit into his shirts. Last week when we went out he suggested I wear one of his t-shirts and it actually ended up fitting me better than it fits him. This was a nice feeling for me. I rarely feel dainty and cute considering I am taller and wider than most people I know, but I definitely felt smaller being able to wear that shirt. And for the record I don't usually even want to feel dainty and girly and shit; I usually go for a more fierce, badass bitch, alpha female attitude but every once in a very, very long while it is nice to feel the slightest bit femmy.
Next time on Half-Assed: Memoirs of a Chubster.
My Life of the Chubby List: Buying a Scale! Dun-Dun-Dunnnah!
NOTE: This is another one of those posts where I will admit to and discuss some rather difficult and potentially upsetting topics. The "Don't be an asshole disclaimer" listed in my first post strongly applies. I have received some personal e-mails from people expressing how much they like and relate to my blog so I find it extremely pertinent to discuss such things. Don't ruin the fun for everyone by being a troll. I want this to be a safe haven for people who find this blog relevant. Thank you in advance for your cooperation and understanding.
As a plus size individual there are some things I take into consideration that other's have probably never thought let alone worried about. Such as:
-Will I fit in that chair?
To be honest I have never actually not fit into a seat before. Nor have I ever broken a chair because I was too heavy for it, but these are things I have worried about. Mostly at movie theaters where the arms don't go up and on airplanes, especially on airplanes.
-Eating in public.
This use to be, and sometimes still is, one of my biggest fears. In middle school I rarely ate at lunch amongst my peers. I often did not want to eat inside restaurants or at my friend's houses. I felt as if everyone would be looking at me thinking "Look at that fat girl eat, no wonder she is so fat!" Food was the enemy and from age 13-17 I ate almost always in solitude. Even at home I would take meals in my room if my family would let me. I would pick at my food if I did eat in the presence of others and then when I was alone I would binge. Once I started driving this got even worse. I would go to the store or a fast food place get food, eat it in my car, destroy the evidence, and pretend like it never happened. I hated the idea of someone seeing me stuffing my face so much that even when I was hiding in my car eating if someone pulled up next to me and parked I would stop eating and drive somewhere else to finish my depressing indulgence. I would hide food in my room, my car, my locker at school, and eat it when no one was looking. I felt ashamed every time I did it. I would promise myself I would stop, but I would always find an excuse to do it again. I would convince myself that it was fine because I hadn't eaten all day or because I didn't know when I would be alone long enough to eat again. I would sometimes eat entire boxes of snacks in one sitting simply because I was terrified of being caught stashing junk food. I did not understand why I was so addicted to this behavior. I hated myself for it and would often wish I were addicted to something else; something that at least wouldn't make me fat. Sometimes I seriously wished that I were anorexic or a druggie instead of being a fatty addicted to food. I constantly asked myself why I continued to partake in this behavior when I knew it was just going to make me feel worse. And honestly I still don't know why. I sometimes find myself slipping back into my old ways when I do not feel comfortable. In college there were days when I just could not bring myself to eat in front of class mates, and now I struggle daily when it comes to eating at work in front of 20+ other women who are almost all thinner than I am.
-Can I even shop in this store?
Every time I walk by a store I wonder if I should even bother going in. I see so many beautiful outfits that I know will not fit me. I usually do not even bother falling in love with them because I know they aren't even made in my size. I feel embarrassed going into stores that seem to only carry size 10 and below. I feel like every thin shopper in there will see me picking through racks of clothes and think, "Yeah right, you're not fitting into that." I feel silly holding a garment up to my body trying to see if I can even stretch it enough to equal my body's width. Why do I even bother?
-Getting out of a booth, a car, and up off a couch.
Everyone has seen this, a big girl scooting her way out of a long booth or trying to hoist her fat ass up out of a bucket seat or back seat of a two door car, usually fat ass first, or shove yourself up off an overstuffed couch that seems to have formed to every back fat roll. This shit is embarrassing and there seems to be no graceful way of doing it. I have sat down in a booth at restaurants before and had to move the table away because it was squishing my stomach or had to ride up front in a two door car because I couldn't get into the backseat without making a scene of horrible struggle. And when I did fit into the back I would spend the whole ride trying to figure out the best way to make a somewhat non embarrassing exit.
-Wearing bigger clothes than my boyfriend.
I have always worn a larger clothing size than whoever I was dating. That cute cliche of walking around in your guy's dress shirt or hoody and it fitting you like a kid playing dress up in grown up clothes, well, that has never happened to me. And at times it makes me feel like an ogre; like I can't be girly or cute because I am this giant blob of unlady like proportions.
I am sure the list goes on but you get the idea...
Now for my small but measurable triumphs!
-Like I said, I have never broken a chair or not fit into one but recently I have noticed that I fit better into certain types of chairs. My thighs and hips do not scrape the edges of armed chairs so much. Seems silly, but it's comforting to me.
-Eating in public is something I think I will always struggle with but I need to get more comfortable with the idea at work. Eating more often is essential to my weight loss because it boosts my metabolism. I need to start taking a lunch break at work and actually eating something. I finally did this for the first time last Sunday. Let's see if I can make it a habit.
-I am still shopping in stores that offer extended sizes but now that I have lost a total of 31lbs I can squeeze into some xl and size 16 clothes. I am still, however, waiting to celebrate going down an actually dress size for when I literally cannot fit into my size 18 clothes.
-Today Chad and I went to a restaurant and sat in a long booth. I usually have a hard time getting out of this kind of seating arrangement and have to awkwardly scoot to the end of the booth, stick one leg out and then step sideways out of the booth to avoid hitting my stomach on the table. Today when exiting the booth I was able to stand up, turn, and exit the booth width wise without incident. And this was at a restaurant we have been to many times so I have plenty of moments to compare with. Once again, this may seem silly to some people but it was another little way I could really tell that my body is indeed changing.
-Now none of Chad's clothes just absolutely swallow me but I can at least fit into his shirts. Last week when we went out he suggested I wear one of his t-shirts and it actually ended up fitting me better than it fits him. This was a nice feeling for me. I rarely feel dainty and cute considering I am taller and wider than most people I know, but I definitely felt smaller being able to wear that shirt. And for the record I don't usually even want to feel dainty and girly and shit; I usually go for a more fierce, badass bitch, alpha female attitude but every once in a very, very long while it is nice to feel the slightest bit femmy.
Next time on Half-Assed: Memoirs of a Chubster.
My Life of the Chubby List: Buying a Scale! Dun-Dun-Dunnnah!
Thursday, May 10, 2012
My Life on the Chubby List: The 90 Day Crash
I know I said I was going to talk about something different in this post and that it has been awhile since I posted but I'm going to talk about something important in this post, the 90 day crash.
I went to the doc again on May 8, 2012. I have lost another five pounds for a total of 25lbs. I should excited right? Well, I'm not. I'm discouraged. I know you could see a difference in the pictures and everyone says they can really tell that I have lost weight but honestly I can't. I guess I really thought 25lbs would make a bigger difference. And other than my feet hurting less I don't feel that much better most of the time. I still get dizzy. I am still lacking energy but can't fall asleep easily. And my doc is telling me that I am still now eating often enough. I was really good this last four weeks; I mean I really felt like I was trying! I exercised more and really worked at eating more often... and then I only pulled half the lbs I wanted to. It is frustrating. I expressed my feelings to my doctor and she said that I am still on track and that she sees many of her patients do this. She calls it the 90 day crash. After three months of giving up foods you love, changing how you eat, how you work out, and after the initial rush of pulling the first big chunk of weight the high drops. She said many of her weight loss patients begin to become extremely critical of themselves after a very short period of time. She kept reminding me that I did not put all the weight on in three months so it is unrealistic to think that it would all come off that fast. She told me to focus on the fact that I am progressively loosing weight and that I myself have expressed that I do not want to loose too quickly.
Although I know what my doc is saying is all correct I am still upset that I only dropped 5lbs. I really wanted to loose at least 8lbs. I feel like my hard work is not really paying off and that it is going to take forever to reach my goal! I mean when you have 100+ lbs to loose getting rid of five of them really doesn't mean much. I am probably being too hard on myself but I just can't shake this downer mood. I think it is time to get serious with the exercise. I need a work out buddy that will help hold me accountable because when I get discouraged that exercise is the first thing that goes by the wayside because I don't like doing it! I know I am making excuses when I say that it has been a rough couple of weeks... but it is true. I have not been in the best mind set lately. And today I am just angry and discouraged.
I am really wondering how much weight I will have to pull until I really start to see a major difference myself, like clothes literally falling off of me or being able to shop in a non plus size store. I guess because I have no idea what my body will look like after I do reach my goal it is hard for me to imagine that these things will ever happen. I know it is silly but I feel like if I don't see a major difference after loosing 25lbs maybe I still won't after 50lbs lost. And if that is true maybe loosing 100lbs isn't enough and if that is the case I feel like my goal is SO FAR AWAY! HOW WILL I EVER GET THERE!!!????
I need to get my fire back. I need a better support system. I am obviously not pushing myself hard enough. So I am asking the few people that read my blog to please help me circulate it so I can find others that are struggling as I am. Please share with me your stories of success and struggle and what you did to push through. I need some serious inspiration here to get me through this crash, it is far to early in this journey to get lost and turn back. I am hoping that after I do loose 50 lbs I will have enough stamina to play sports again and start doing boot camp style workouts because I know it will be sooooo hard loose the last half of the weight. If I want to reach my goal of loosing 100lbs by next Jan. I need to loose 10lbs a month! It is a tall order and I need help getting there!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
My Life on the Chubby List: Fat Girl Survival Tips
Let us begin this potentially offensive blog post with the urban dictionary definition of a "chubster".
An overweight although confident, well-dressed and funny man or woman. They are seen as cool and desirable due to a magnetic personality that compensates for their perceived lack of physical attractiveness.
An overweight although confident, well-dressed and funny man or woman. They are seen as cool and desirable due to a magnetic personality that compensates for their perceived lack of physical attractiveness.
This was number four on the list but I chose it because it contained the least obvious grammatical and spelling errors.
I chose this word to use in this blog because I feel it does describe me pretty well. I have always been a big girl but I have always been confident and while yes some people have of course expressed distaste about my size I don't feel I ever really missed out on anything due to it. And I sure as shit didn't miss out on any wonderful romantic experiences because I'm a fatty mcfatfat because if someone is going to pass up getting to know me for the simple fact that my weight is off putting to them then clearly it wouldn't have worked out anyhow. The only thing that is a real problem with my weight is that it is now so out of control that is affecting my health, bottom line.
That being said... again... uh hmm.. Let's move on! If you are or have ever been a chubster or even a shy lil' fatty you'll most likely be familiar with some of these but below is a list of some of the coping mechanisms and tricks I use to survive being a fat girl.
Fat Girl Survival Tips:
1. Fucking admit it! You don't have to go shouting "I'm a proud fatty!" from the roof tops but please bitches, admit at least to yourself that you're chubby. If you can't even do that you have bigger problems than your pant size; living in denial is more unhealthy than being overweight.
2. Wearing clothes that fit. I'm not talking about what Seventeen or InStyle mag says you should wear for your body type, eff dressing for your "body type" but it is important to wear clothing that is the correct size. Wear what makes you feel sexy, but don't wear something that is going to get a picture of you put on peopleofwalmart.com! We have all seen it, the fat girl in the halter top with the back titties or little miss tub tubs with a muffin top so huge it could feed a third world country bulging out of the top of her three sizes too small denim jeans. Dress for your size ladies, trust me it is much more becoming.
3. Don't give people any ammo. Don't let the fact that you are overweight consume you. If you're constantly talking about how much you have gained or better yet making excuses for it, that is all people will focus on when they talk to you. If you do bring it up be prepared for the conversation. Don't be offended if people then ask you questions about personal habits or make suggestions on how to lose some of the clearly unwanted lbs.
4. Be confident! Easier said then done sometimes but like I just said, weight does not define you! To most intelligent adults a great personality is more important than weight. A sense of humor and good conversation skills will probably get you more friends then being skinny alone, no one wants to be around debbie downer.
5. Invest in a good body slimmer. These are under garments that hold you in and smooth out fat rolls. I know I've been talking all about being proud and it's the inside that counts yadda yadda... but the truth is there are things that can be done to boost confidence, like looking good in a outfit. I wear slimming shorts almost everyday for two main reasons; it smoothes out my tummy and more importantly if I am wearing a skirt it keeps my thighs from rubbing together! I was personally not blessed with thighs that don't touch and if you weren't either you know what I am talking about! There are tons of different styles of these things out there. (I will post some links of the bottom of this post.) There are some things to consider when purchasing these though. Getting the right size is really important! If you get a full body one the best way to put it on is by stepping into it, make sure you pee first though cause getting out of it is harder. If you go for the two piece style get a top that is long enough to overlap the bottoms otherwise the first time you lean over a little too far you're probably going to end up looking a little something like this: 
you know what I'm talking about!
I personally just wear the shorts and it works out great for me!
6. Also invest is a good bra. When I was first told that I was a 40D and needed the "big girl sizes" (yes that is actually what the sales lady said to me) I was 18 years old and I was devastated. I wanted to get the cute bras with the thin straps and fun prints; but no I needed the ugly "mom bras"! Well I tell you what, the first time I put on a bra that really fit I couldn't have cared less if the thing looked like freddy krueger's face! It was way more comfortable and flattering under my clothes. When it comes to bras good support is hard to find.
7. Tankinis and swim suit covers. 'nuff said!
8. This is the most important one! So now we have admitted it, I'm a chubster. Now we own it; I'm a damn fine, intelligent, hilarious chubster! Now surround yourself with people who love and support you. Don't date people who are trying to change you if you don't want to change. Do date someone who loves you for you but will support and help you if you decide to lose weight. DO NOT EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO NOT DESERVE BETTER. Ladies and gentlemen do not ever think that just because you are fat it means you cannot or do not deserve to be with a good person, everyone deserves to be treated right! And beyond just dating don't hang out with "friends" that make you feel bad about yourself either. Tell 'em off and ditch 'em; rude bitches are better left to pick each others' bones!
Tragic Personal Story Time: Rant Alert!
I use to be the fat girl in the group and my so called friends used me as the butt of every joke. They kept me around as their personal sounding board and punching bag. When it was one on one we were buds but when they were all together I was once again the odd one out. They were "popular" and the only girls I knew at my new school. One of the girls was bigger than me but that didn't seem to matter and another was the same size but unlike myself at that point she had figured out how to carry herself well. (I was still in the sit on the edge of the seat so your thighs don't spread out over the chair, suck it in 'til you can't breathe, wear a huge jacket ever chance you get phase; all to hide one dirty little secret: I'm not skinny!) For nearly an entire school year these girls picked on me and called me names to my face and behind my back. They made fun of me for dancing at school dances saying "If you have meat you shouldn't dance like that." They even teased me about other kids I talked to, like every time I mingled with kids they considered to be uncool they would threaten to stop talking to me if that was who I was going to socialize with. Eventually they stopped hanging around me all together and I gladly began hanging out with me "uncool" friends full time. At the time I think I was too young to really understand what was going on and how it was really affecting me but looking back now I understand better just strange the whole thing was. I feel being pushed out of that group was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never really fit in with those girls, weight aside I never really connected with them. After that year I learned a lot about myself and just started doing pretty much anything I wanted. It was like being ridiculed somehow gave me the freedom to just say fuck it, I'm clearly gonna get made fun of anyway may as well give 'em the total package. By the time I entered jr. high I was a whole new me. I was experimenting with new things, meeting new interesting people. The next three years would be super rough don't get me wrong; it was the beginning of a whole new set of demons but I was really coming into my own. On some small level I was finally comfortable. I felt more comfy in my own skin walking the halls of an Oklahoma jr. high school in giant, black, baggy, pants with neon bondage straps and a tattered concert tee rocking blue hair and platform boots with my best friend at my side then I ever did prancing around in denim shorts and a pony tail surrounded by my "popular friends"! Now, I'm not saying all popular people are like that or that being in the preppy crowd is bad or lame or whatever. If that is what I was saying, well I wouldn't be much better than the girls that bullied me all those years ago. I'm just saying I was trying to fit myself into some kind of mold and it wasn't working for me. What I am saying is that no matter what size you are you have to be okay with who you are or life is going to far more difficult for you than it's meant to be.
Okay, so we went way off the topic of just weight loss with this one but whatevs. It's all part of what got me to where I am now. I hope someone finds these insane ramblings to be helpful. Please tell me what you guys think and if it strikes you please share my blog! I would love to reach as many people as possible! Thanks for taking the time to read!
Shapewear links:
http://www.spanx.com/home/index.jsp?camp=kw=s3z4kqrpW%7Cpcrid%7C11953337996%7Cspanx
http://www.dressbarn.com/accessories/shapewear-legwear
(I own the high waisted shaper short plus in black. Fun fact about that I have been wearing it in a 2x and recently had to purchase it in a 1x because mine is getting too big!)
http://www.maidenform.com/shapewear
(great bras too!)
http://www.soma.com/store/browse/shelf.jsp?cat=Shape+Shop+Smoothing+Light+Control&subCatId=cat4629279&catId=cat40091&CMP=KNC-GOOG_NB
http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/XGN.aspx?DeptID=70659&CatID=71428&cm_mmc=Google-_-G_Lingerie-_-G_Lingerie_Shapewear-_-shapewear
Coming soon: My Life on the Chubby List: The fat skinny bitch, everyone's a critic!
you know what I'm talking about!I personally just wear the shorts and it works out great for me!
6. Also invest is a good bra. When I was first told that I was a 40D and needed the "big girl sizes" (yes that is actually what the sales lady said to me) I was 18 years old and I was devastated. I wanted to get the cute bras with the thin straps and fun prints; but no I needed the ugly "mom bras"! Well I tell you what, the first time I put on a bra that really fit I couldn't have cared less if the thing looked like freddy krueger's face! It was way more comfortable and flattering under my clothes. When it comes to bras good support is hard to find.
7. Tankinis and swim suit covers. 'nuff said!
8. This is the most important one! So now we have admitted it, I'm a chubster. Now we own it; I'm a damn fine, intelligent, hilarious chubster! Now surround yourself with people who love and support you. Don't date people who are trying to change you if you don't want to change. Do date someone who loves you for you but will support and help you if you decide to lose weight. DO NOT EVER LET SOMEONE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU DO NOT DESERVE BETTER. Ladies and gentlemen do not ever think that just because you are fat it means you cannot or do not deserve to be with a good person, everyone deserves to be treated right! And beyond just dating don't hang out with "friends" that make you feel bad about yourself either. Tell 'em off and ditch 'em; rude bitches are better left to pick each others' bones!
Tragic Personal Story Time: Rant Alert!
I use to be the fat girl in the group and my so called friends used me as the butt of every joke. They kept me around as their personal sounding board and punching bag. When it was one on one we were buds but when they were all together I was once again the odd one out. They were "popular" and the only girls I knew at my new school. One of the girls was bigger than me but that didn't seem to matter and another was the same size but unlike myself at that point she had figured out how to carry herself well. (I was still in the sit on the edge of the seat so your thighs don't spread out over the chair, suck it in 'til you can't breathe, wear a huge jacket ever chance you get phase; all to hide one dirty little secret: I'm not skinny!) For nearly an entire school year these girls picked on me and called me names to my face and behind my back. They made fun of me for dancing at school dances saying "If you have meat you shouldn't dance like that." They even teased me about other kids I talked to, like every time I mingled with kids they considered to be uncool they would threaten to stop talking to me if that was who I was going to socialize with. Eventually they stopped hanging around me all together and I gladly began hanging out with me "uncool" friends full time. At the time I think I was too young to really understand what was going on and how it was really affecting me but looking back now I understand better just strange the whole thing was. I feel being pushed out of that group was the best thing that ever happened to me. I never really fit in with those girls, weight aside I never really connected with them. After that year I learned a lot about myself and just started doing pretty much anything I wanted. It was like being ridiculed somehow gave me the freedom to just say fuck it, I'm clearly gonna get made fun of anyway may as well give 'em the total package. By the time I entered jr. high I was a whole new me. I was experimenting with new things, meeting new interesting people. The next three years would be super rough don't get me wrong; it was the beginning of a whole new set of demons but I was really coming into my own. On some small level I was finally comfortable. I felt more comfy in my own skin walking the halls of an Oklahoma jr. high school in giant, black, baggy, pants with neon bondage straps and a tattered concert tee rocking blue hair and platform boots with my best friend at my side then I ever did prancing around in denim shorts and a pony tail surrounded by my "popular friends"! Now, I'm not saying all popular people are like that or that being in the preppy crowd is bad or lame or whatever. If that is what I was saying, well I wouldn't be much better than the girls that bullied me all those years ago. I'm just saying I was trying to fit myself into some kind of mold and it wasn't working for me. What I am saying is that no matter what size you are you have to be okay with who you are or life is going to far more difficult for you than it's meant to be.
Okay, so we went way off the topic of just weight loss with this one but whatevs. It's all part of what got me to where I am now. I hope someone finds these insane ramblings to be helpful. Please tell me what you guys think and if it strikes you please share my blog! I would love to reach as many people as possible! Thanks for taking the time to read!
Shapewear links:
http://www.spanx.com/home/index.jsp?camp=kw=s3z4kqrpW%7Cpcrid%7C11953337996%7Cspanx
http://www.dressbarn.com/accessories/shapewear-legwear
(I own the high waisted shaper short plus in black. Fun fact about that I have been wearing it in a 2x and recently had to purchase it in a 1x because mine is getting too big!)
http://www.maidenform.com/shapewear
(great bras too!)
http://www.soma.com/store/browse/shelf.jsp?cat=Shape+Shop+Smoothing+Light+Control&subCatId=cat4629279&catId=cat40091&CMP=KNC-GOOG_NB
http://www.jcpenney.com/jcp/XGN.aspx?DeptID=70659&CatID=71428&cm_mmc=Google-_-G_Lingerie-_-G_Lingerie_Shapewear-_-shapewear
Coming soon: My Life on the Chubby List: The fat skinny bitch, everyone's a critic!
Thursday, April 26, 2012
My Life on the Chubby List: The Nutrition Plan
Ten weeks ago I started something new in my life and it was difficult but not in the ways I thought it would be. Making better choices about food and getting more exercise are not the main adjustments; merely accepting that I am not healthy and that I have to lose weight are the things that are impacting me the most. But ever since I committed to making this change the weight has continuously come off.
What I Am Doing Differently:
-Gave up soda, completely, not even diet or sugar free energy drinks.
-Started eating whole grain. If I eat bread it is whole grain and if I can find it, gluten free.
-Cutting out as much sugar as possible. This is difficult because there is sugar in pretty much everything.
-Paying attention to not just the nutritional facts but the ingredient list as well. You will be amazed at what is in some of the foods you thought were healthy. Like yogurt, there is so much sugar in flavored yogurt. Instead, I buy plain yogurt and add my own fresh fruit and gluten free granola.
-Eating tons of fruits and veggies. This seems like a no brainer but seriously eat your damn veggies people. That shit's good for you!
-Cooking more interesting foods. I get bored with food easily when I feel like I have to limit myself so I have started experimenting with more recipes, so far most things have been successful.
-Eating more often. And oh man, this is by far the most difficult adjustment I have had to make. You would think this would be so easy right? Eating more instead of less, well it isn't. A lot of what is causing problems with my insulin levels and weight gain is the fact that I usually only eat once or twice a day. I have somehow managed to make myself overweight and malnourished at the same time.
Before, I would often not eat at all before work, I almost never ate at work, (I still do not eat at work. I should but I am struggling most with this.) and then I would binge when I got home. I thought of it as a reward. I would say to myself, "Oh I worked so hard today and I haven't eaten anything! I can eat all this." or worse "I didn't eat all day and I'm having a rough day or I'm too tired to cook. I deserve to eat whatever I want." I would end up either eating fast food or just eating anything and everything I wanted at home. I would often snack while I cooked myself dinner, like I would be cooking an entire meal but as I was doing so I would be munching on pickles or crackers. Eating before you eat... not a great habit.
Now, I have managed to usually work in two meals and one snack a day. My doctor is concerned that this is not often enough and by going so many hours without food I am allowing my blood sugar to get low multiple times a day. So, this is still a work in progress. And when I say snack I mean snack, like a cheese stick or an apple; not a cheese stick and an apple and some crackers and... you get the idea.
-Keeping a food journal. My doctor has also asked me to write down everything I eat. This is not only just to see what I eat so we can evaluate what foods work for me but also to hold me accountable. Sure I could lie but that really isn't going to help anyone. Furthermore, since I have not yet been able to eat at the times I have been asked to my doctor has requested I now write down the times at which I eat what. She has also asked that I share my food journal with a friend in between my appts with her to get another opinion on what I am eating.
-Thinking of this project as a lifestyle change not a "diet". In this blog when I use the word "diet" I am referring to what I eat not how I am losing weight. If I treat this like a fad diet I will inevitably gain the weight back. This is me forming new and better habits to lose weight and keep it off.
-Exercising. This is the second hardest part for me, making time to work out. I am not a gym kind of person. I don't like gyms at all. If I am going to walk a mile I'm going to walk somewhere not in place on a treadmill in a room with other sweaty people. If I am on something with pedals I am going to ride it somewhere not pedal in place on a stationary bike. I have also incorporated exercise into my daily routine like parking further away at stores so I have to walk more, taking more trips up and down the stairs in front of my apartment, using a resistance band to work out my arms while watching way too many episodes of Rescue Me, and today at work my manager and I did squats and lunges while we folded towels. The little things do add up.
Now that the first 20lbs are off I know I will need to work harder to keep pulling the weight. I need to focus on building my endurance because when I hit 40lbs lost I would like to look into finding an adult volleyball or softball team to play on. I feel being active in this fashion vs. going to the gym will be easier for me to stay on track. Please share with me any suggestions you have or things you have done that have helped you shed lbs. Thanks for reading!
Coming up next:
My Life on the Chubby List: Fat Girl Survival Tips!
What I Am Doing Differently:
-Gave up soda, completely, not even diet or sugar free energy drinks.
-Started eating whole grain. If I eat bread it is whole grain and if I can find it, gluten free.
-Cutting out as much sugar as possible. This is difficult because there is sugar in pretty much everything.
-Paying attention to not just the nutritional facts but the ingredient list as well. You will be amazed at what is in some of the foods you thought were healthy. Like yogurt, there is so much sugar in flavored yogurt. Instead, I buy plain yogurt and add my own fresh fruit and gluten free granola.
-Eating tons of fruits and veggies. This seems like a no brainer but seriously eat your damn veggies people. That shit's good for you!
-Cooking more interesting foods. I get bored with food easily when I feel like I have to limit myself so I have started experimenting with more recipes, so far most things have been successful.
-Eating more often. And oh man, this is by far the most difficult adjustment I have had to make. You would think this would be so easy right? Eating more instead of less, well it isn't. A lot of what is causing problems with my insulin levels and weight gain is the fact that I usually only eat once or twice a day. I have somehow managed to make myself overweight and malnourished at the same time.
Before, I would often not eat at all before work, I almost never ate at work, (I still do not eat at work. I should but I am struggling most with this.) and then I would binge when I got home. I thought of it as a reward. I would say to myself, "Oh I worked so hard today and I haven't eaten anything! I can eat all this." or worse "I didn't eat all day and I'm having a rough day or I'm too tired to cook. I deserve to eat whatever I want." I would end up either eating fast food or just eating anything and everything I wanted at home. I would often snack while I cooked myself dinner, like I would be cooking an entire meal but as I was doing so I would be munching on pickles or crackers. Eating before you eat... not a great habit.
Now, I have managed to usually work in two meals and one snack a day. My doctor is concerned that this is not often enough and by going so many hours without food I am allowing my blood sugar to get low multiple times a day. So, this is still a work in progress. And when I say snack I mean snack, like a cheese stick or an apple; not a cheese stick and an apple and some crackers and... you get the idea.
-Keeping a food journal. My doctor has also asked me to write down everything I eat. This is not only just to see what I eat so we can evaluate what foods work for me but also to hold me accountable. Sure I could lie but that really isn't going to help anyone. Furthermore, since I have not yet been able to eat at the times I have been asked to my doctor has requested I now write down the times at which I eat what. She has also asked that I share my food journal with a friend in between my appts with her to get another opinion on what I am eating.
-Thinking of this project as a lifestyle change not a "diet". In this blog when I use the word "diet" I am referring to what I eat not how I am losing weight. If I treat this like a fad diet I will inevitably gain the weight back. This is me forming new and better habits to lose weight and keep it off.
-Exercising. This is the second hardest part for me, making time to work out. I am not a gym kind of person. I don't like gyms at all. If I am going to walk a mile I'm going to walk somewhere not in place on a treadmill in a room with other sweaty people. If I am on something with pedals I am going to ride it somewhere not pedal in place on a stationary bike. I have also incorporated exercise into my daily routine like parking further away at stores so I have to walk more, taking more trips up and down the stairs in front of my apartment, using a resistance band to work out my arms while watching way too many episodes of Rescue Me, and today at work my manager and I did squats and lunges while we folded towels. The little things do add up.
Now that the first 20lbs are off I know I will need to work harder to keep pulling the weight. I need to focus on building my endurance because when I hit 40lbs lost I would like to look into finding an adult volleyball or softball team to play on. I feel being active in this fashion vs. going to the gym will be easier for me to stay on track. Please share with me any suggestions you have or things you have done that have helped you shed lbs. Thanks for reading!
Coming up next:
My Life on the Chubby List: Fat Girl Survival Tips!
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